The Principles & Habits of Mutual Respect
Some of the Principles & Habits of Mutual Respect appear in thousands of books, live and online training and Ted Talks – but usually as snippets of education or exhortation. Here they are part of a comprehensive system aimed at universal behavioral change. This is training based on and effective at the transformation of habits. Initial unlearning and beginning the substitution of new habits is complemented by processes for sustaining the priority change processes and promoting group accountability. The Framework is below, followed by detailed description of each element.
We suspend assumptions
We always pay attention
We listen attentively & speak directly
We delegate and develop fully
We provide feedback consistently
We resolve conflicts respectfully
We do what we promise
Discrimination, bias and dysfunctional habits rest on the bedrock of unexamined – and unchanged – assumptions. Mutual Respect depends on perceiving reality as it is and acting accordingly. The core focus and outcome of our Framework is the capacity of individuals and groups to set aside assumptions in the face of difference of all types. This allows a richer circle of inclusion and the re-examination of a range of business processes and practices.
We always pay attention
We live in an era and environments of ceaseless distractions. Flexible, and respectful and inclusive leadership requires an unrelenting focus on things as they are – and realistically may become. Accurately observing people and processes is essential to enabling development and sorting out the new and promising from the traditional profile of competence and success that still dominates business thinking.
We listen attentively & speak directly
There may be no more ubiquitous product of the training field than “active listening” and “assertiveness” training. There are no more vital and powerful skills in organizations than the ability to communicate effectively. But these formulaic approaches have not proven adequate to the huge tasks we face. Drawing on deep training techniques from a range of disciplines, our sessions result in genuine enhancement of the ability to hear and be heard – accurately. The vital and robust habits of speaking out are essential to transform the aspirational slogans of “Speak truth to power” and “If you see something, say something” into common and predictable practice.
We delegate and develop fully
The ability to develop diverse staffs, realize the value of differences within teams and grow organizations depends on systematic delegation skills. What should be the essence of Management 101 training and managerial skill – and a preoccupation of diverse staffs – is typically improvised and done unevenly. We add to the setting aside of limiting assumptions and strong communication skills a reliable delegation process to hothouse better habits.
We provide feedback consistently
No area is more emblematic of Mutual Respect than the giving and receiving of constructive, developmental feedback. Yet this remains a long-recognized area of leader, manager and colleague weakness – a weakness that can be turned into an area of strength. More than any other behavior, failure in this area is rooted in the fear of conflict. Overcoming these fears requires new patterns of behavior and the skills described below. Abundant live training is required and can turn environments bereft of feedback into “living mirrors.”
We resolve conflicts respectfully
Increasing the range of differences at work inevitably leads to more conflicts – both large and small. Unfortunately, as a society and as individuals, we are limited in our conflict resolution skills. Conflict suppression, yes; conflict resolution, no. Our longtime habit of reaching for the adversarial is only deepening. We draw on decades of conciliation training for our model of working through differences and building ongoing collaboration.
We do what we promise
Integrity grows from the predictable fulfillment of promises, and it is the glue of healthy organizations. Mutual Respect is sustained by truth-telling and collective and continuing commitment to the agreed-upon framework. This capacity is created by integrating the transformed habits and shared pledges that grow out of the intensive, interactive training process. Sharing techniques for sustaining a Mutual Respect initiative over time helps reinforce promise-keeping.